tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58368851251238822912024-03-08T10:49:04.878-06:00Creative Genius for His GloryliL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836885125123882291.post-11446335027555393332017-04-13T00:00:00.000-05:002017-04-13T00:00:09.362-05:00I Was There<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I didn’t go to bed
happy that night. In fact, I hadn’t gone to bed happy for as far back as I could
remember. Before the breakup my unhappiness was caused by depression I couldn’t
figure out. In the days following the breakup, I was too heartbroken to go to
bed happy. And after getting over the breakup, most nights I just felt too
alone to really be happy. (Let me be clear: we never went to bed together while
together; there’s just a big difference between being texted, called, or told
“goodnight,” by someone you care about, and going to bed with no goodnight
wishes at all.) And this night was one of those lonely nights.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I had gotten off
work at 10:45. I was supposed to leave by 10:30, but since I was responsible
for closing, and since the safe wasn’t balancing, I had to figure out why. This
had put me fifteen minutes over, and I figured it meant a questioning the next
day at work, since we are trying to not go over on budgeted hours allowed. All
I had wanted to do was get home, make a cup of tea, change out of my work
clothes, and relax in some peace and quiet. I was sadly mistaken when I was
about to pull into my driveway at 10:47. My roommate’s girlfriend’s car was
parked in my spot, so I subsequently parked in the street in front of our
mailbox. A very excited, “Hey Jay, how’s it going?” proceeded from his
girlfriend as I opened the door to see them sitting close together on the couch
watching an episode of Psych. “It’s going,” was all I could bring myself to say
in response. And in fact, the jealousy that overcame me in that moment was
enough for me to lock myself in my room, skip changing, skip my tea, and fall
onto my bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
As I drifted off
to sleep, the following thoughts kept me company, “You will never have someone
who wants to be that close to you.” “You will forever be alone.” “God is
holding out on you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
When I came back
to consciousness, I opened my groggy, angry eyelids and had no idea where I
was. In fact, I was lying in the middle of a deserted dirt road that smelled
like animal droppings. Something in my mind told me I’d been dropped off at
some point in history, but for the life of me I couldn’t recall which. The
desertedness of the streets reminded me of my loneliness which did nothing to
assuage my anger. <i>If a sheep walked down
this road right now, I’d kick it over.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I finally stood to
my feet, shaking off the dust and the confusion regarding my current situation.
Seeing the Tetris-block shaped buildings lining the street, complete with flat
roofs, did nothing to help me place myself in any specific historical locale,
despite my love of world history. <i>I think
current situations have frustrated me to the point where my mind is becoming
useless.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I looked up. The
sky was a clear shade of light blue—in fact there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
The breeze was chill, and judging by the sky’s shade, and lack of a view of the
sun, I reasoned that it was only the first few hours of daylight. <i>I hope it gets warmer as the sun gets
higher.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The lack of life
despite the seeming size of the city struck me oddly. <i>Where is everyone?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Just then voices
interrupted my thoughts. I turned toward the source to see a man dressed in a
lavishly decorated robe who had three others with him, one—clearly a
woman—dressed in a brown shawl with a green head covering, and two others covered
in beggars rags. The rich man was holding one of the beggars, while the other
walked with the help of the woman. Just beyond them was another man holding a
tin cup in one hand and a staff in his other hand that rattled as he knocked it
against the ground.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Why are the
streets deserted?” the rich man asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“They have gone to
the trial.” The second man shook his cup and rattled his staff. “Alms for the
blind?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Trial? Whose
trial?” the rich man asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“The young rabbi
from Nazareth. They are wanting His death.” The staff rattled again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“It cannot be
true!” the woman exclaimed, letting go of the beggar and approaching the blind
man in a fit of frustration.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Alms?” the blind
man said, holding out his cup, unfazed by her approach.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“What has He done?”
the rich man asked again, as the woman looked at him in desperation.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Nothing I know
of.” He shook his cup. “For the blind? For the blind? Help for the blind?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The plink of a
coin satisfied the blind man, and drew my attention away from their interaction.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
<i>Young rabbi from Nazareth? Why does that
sound familiar?</i> I glanced down, and for the first time recognized that I
was no longer wearing my shirt and tie I had angrily not changed out of the
night prior, but was dressed instead in a plain brown robe, tied at the waist
with a tan rope, and had sandals for shoes on my feet. And then it hit me. <i>I went back like 2,000 years. This is
Jerusalem and the rabbi is Jesus.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
And then my anger
returned. <i>Why here? Why this? Why
couldn’t I have gone back to the Exodus or the battle of Jericho—taking out my
anger on some Canaanite sinners—or even go witness the fall of Jerusalem to
Nebuchadnezzar? Why couldn’t it have been something cool? I don’t want to
witness the greatest injustice in the history of the world.</i> I growled under
my breath in frustration.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Not knowing what
else to do, I followed the man and his female companions as they headed towards
the trial.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
When I reached the
destination, I no longer wondered why the streets were deserted. The courtyard
I found myself on the edge of was packed full like sardines in a can. In
addition, the violent noise filling the place made my ears hurt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Crucify Him!
Crucify Him!” filled the air.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
By the time my
eyes reached the front of the crowd, I saw what they were yelling about. Two
men, both dressed in long brown robes stood shackled on each side of a
soldier-looking man who was reading a parchment. Both men had thick brown
beards and short cropped brown hair that stood in stark contrast to the bald,
beardless soldier between them. The man on my left had a yarmulke on His head;
the man on my right had scars on his face. The man on my left was standing
there calmly, though I could see His mouth moving slightly, and He did seem to
be shifting back and forth between His feet. The other man scratched at his
shackles and tried to break free of them, though otherwise he stood motionless.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The soldier raised
a hand, letting the parchment fall out of his grasp, and the shouts of the
crowd for crucifixion grew quiet. Then he spoke, questioning the crowd, “Why?
What has this man done wrong?” He gestured towards the man on his right, my
left. “I have found in Him no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore, I will
have Him whipped and then release Him.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Instantly, the
crowd erupted again. “Crucify Him! Crucify Him! Crucify Him!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The noise of the
crowd crashed into my already frustrated head. <i>I don’t want to be here. I want to be back in my quiet bed. I want to
be alone with my thoughts. I don’t want to be in the midst of this raucous
crowd.</i> “Shut up, you idiots!” I yelled, but my cry was immediately drowned
by their shouts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Then I had a
realization. <i>This is Jesus. The same one
who supposedly loves me. The same one who has withheld a woman from me despite
being all good and all powerful.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
My voice joined
the crowds. “Crucify Him!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I watched as
someone brought a bowl of water to the soldier guy between Jesus and the one
who I realized was Barabbas. <i>That soldier
is Pilate</i>, I realized, amidst my shouts for crucifixion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Pilate raised his
hand again, and the crowd grew silent. I did too. He reached both hands into
the bowl of water and washed them in front of the crowd. While rubbing water
over his hands, he announced, “I am innocent of this man’s blood. See to it
yourselves.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The crowd shouted,
“His blood be on us and on our children.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Pilate removed the
chains from Barabbas and let him join the crowd. He called a group of soldiers
up and gave them custody of Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
They led Jesus
away, and the crowd dispersed, most content to go about their day. I, despite
not caring about this time period, decided to follow the soldiers who had
Jesus. They took Him to the military headquarters, and once there, shackled him
up to a post in what I assumed was their flogging station.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I wasn’t the only
one there. Some religious-looking men had come, and several women—who were
bawling their eyes out—and a good handful of other various people as well. Only
the women seemed upset. I certainly wasn’t upset. Well I was, but I wanted to
take it out on the man now just wearing a white tunic, who was tied to the
post.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
It was his fault I
was mad. He’d never given me anything I wanted. He’d said, “Ask and it will be
given to you,” but it was bull crap. How many times had I wanted and asked for
companionship? And how many times had it been denied me? And how many of my
peers seemed to find it so easily, but never with me? It was aggravating.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
And now Jesus’
tunic was removed. A soldier slapped the yarmulke off his head, and laughed,
muttering something about Israel’s God. All Jesus now had on was a piece of
clothing around his waist. The first whip stroke fell, and how I wished I could
have been the one to apply it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
It caught in His
back. Just above His waist, directly between his sides. The soldier pulled
back, and it broke free, pulling chunks of flesh out and a ton of blood as
well. Jesus let out a loud groan, exhaling and then inhaling instantly, between
clenched teeth. A scream of protest broke out from a woman nearby. I actually
heard a laugh leave my mouth. <i>He deserves
it; the fraud.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
A whole crowd of
soldiers surrounded Jesus. All of them were holding whips and clubs and other
various flogging instruments. Another whip stroke came down, slicing open His
side. He yelled in pain again. In reality, it was hard to see Jesus through the
throng of soldiers who were waling on
Him repeatedly with different instruments of torture.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Another and
another; again and again they fell. This went on for the better part of thirty
minutes. As it went on, the blood pooled around Him; He slumped against the
post, lacking the strength to stand. More of His body was bleeding than was
not. Flesh dangled in strips—bloody strips—and He looked more like something
from a horror movie than a human being.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I couldn’t look at
His body any longer. Even though I was happy about the happenings, the
sight—mixed with the smell—of blood was sickening. I wasn’t the only one who
couldn’t look. The women were no longer standing, but now laying—sprawled
out—on the ground, crying loudly. Even the religious leaders couldn’t
look—their proud smirks now wiped away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Finally the
whipping stopped. The soldiers released him from the post and His arms flopped
to the ground. He lay there motionless, the only sign of life being the flayed
flesh that rose and fell as He breathed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The soldiers
draped a purple sheet over Jesus, and He clutched at it tightly. They brought
out a chair, helped Him into it, and arranged the purple sheet so it looked
like a robe, covering all of His bloody wounds.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
A soldier came
over holding a circular ring of greenery. He held it gingerly, but when he got
to Jesus, he set it on His head, and they hit it with a club. Lines of blood
streamed down His face as the thorns jammed into his skull.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Then the soldiers
spoke. “Hail, King of the Jews!” They hit Him on the head several more times,
and hailed Him repeatedly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I felt another
chuckle leave my throat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The mocking by the
soldiers continued for some time. Finally, it stopped. A soldier approached and
said, “The crosses are here. Time to go.” They ripped the sheet off His body
and He screamed in agonizing terror. The blood flowed, and He lifted His eyes
toward the sky weakly, as tears mixed with the blood flowed down His face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Finally, feeling
my pain,” I muttered under my breath, as they placed His tunic back on Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
An hour later we
were outside the city on the edge of a cliff. By we, I mean myself, the
religious guys, the crying women, the soldiers, Jesus, two other condemned
men—wearing shackles and showing marks of a flogging that took place earlier
than Jesus’—and a whole crowd of other people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The trip had been
slow. Jesus had been forced to trudge the half-mile carrying the wooden beams
of His cross, despite having lost what had to have been most of His blood. The
beating didn’t cease as the journey continued either. Eventually they pulled another
guy in to carry His cross for Him because it was taking too long. I had
muttered, “For the supposed King of the Universe, He sure is weak and slow. I
thought He was supposed to be all-powerful.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
But now we were at
Golgotha. Jesus was laying—now stripped naked—on the rugged cross, as the
soldiers stretched out His arms to position His hands in place. The only piece
of clothing He had on was the crown of thorns jammed into His brow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The sky was still
clear, and the position of the sun showed it to be nine in the morning. It was
another reason to be frustrated. A beautiful spring day totally commandeered by
the execution going on in front of my eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I heard the thud
of a hammer fall and my gaze was drawn back from the sky to Jesus laying on the
wooden beams. Another hammer thud. Jesus cried out in pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I didn’t have a
chance to add my thoughts, because the fancily dressed religious leaders beat
me to it. “He saved others; He cannot save Himself! Let the Messiah, the King
of Israel, come down now from the cross, so that we may see and believe.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
My voice joined in
as I stood over Him as they nailed His other hand to the cross. “You saved
others. You never saved me. Did You really save them? Enjoy dying!” I spat, and
I watched, and laughed, as it landed on His bloody body. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
And then they put
a nail through His feet. Thud, thud, thud. He moaned in pain as the hammer fell
and the nail travelled further into His flesh. While the blood on most of His
body had coagulated by this point, His arms and legs now dripped.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The soldiers
raised the cross, and dropped it into a hole in the ground. When it hit the
ground at the base of the hole, His whole body shuddered, and He cried out in
pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The religious
leaders cried out again, “Let Him come down now from the cross, and we will
believe in Him. He has put His trust in God; let God rescue Him now—if He wants
Him! For He said, ‘I am God’s Son.’”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Forget that,” my
voice cried out. “If He saves Himself, He’s just selfish. I’ll believe if He
saves me, and does good to me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Above His head a
sign was written: “Jesus the Nazarene: the King of the Jews.” The two crosses
on either side of Him could read it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
For this reason,
both criminals were screaming, “Aren’t You the Messiah? Save Yourself and us!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Passerbys cried,
“Ha! The one who would demolish the sanctuary and build it in three days, save
yourself by coming down from the cross!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Jesus inhaled
deeply, and said, “Father, forgive them, because they don’t know what they are
doing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
It stopped me
mid-taunt. <i>Forgive me? Surely He doesn’t
mean me. I haven’t done anything. Besides</i>, and I verbalized this, “I don’t
want Your forgiveness. I just want Your gifts.” My thoughts resumed, as I spat
at Him again, <i>He’s obviously talking
about the people here; I’m not even supposed to be here.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
It was at that
moment that my attention was drawn away from Jesus’ mangled body, and the
taunts and jeers faded to the background, and I noticed a woman kneeling face
down on the ground crying. I had not seen her before. She was noticeably
separate from the women who had huddled close to Jesus’ cross.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I moved closer to
her, still fed up that I was even here, as I saw her lift up her head and shout
at the criminal on Jesus’ left. “Dismas, where’d I go wrong? I raised you
better than this. Guilty of robbery and murder? I told you that Barabbas was
bad news. And how he got released today and you didn’t is wrong!” Tears rolled
down her cheeks. She turned her face toward Jesus and yelled angrily, “I hate
You! You’re dying when the ruiner of my son was supposed to die!” She turned
around to face the religious leaders, who were still intermittently mocking.
“It’s your faults my son is up there. He could have been freed if you hadn’t
brought this man.” She pointed at Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
They ignored her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
She turned back to
face her son, “What did I do wrong?” She dropped her head back down and wept.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I watched, and
understood perfectly. My parents had said the same to me about my best friend
when I was growing up, and while I ended up listening to them, he had failed to
heed similar advice, if he had even received any, and now I have no idea where
he is or what he’s doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The man hanging on
Jesus’ right drew my attention back to the spectacle in front of me. “Aren’t
You the Messiah? Save Yourself and us!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Dismas answered
slowly. “Don’t you even fear God, since you are undergoing the same punishment?
We are punished justly, because we are getting back what we deserve for the
things we did, but this man has done nothing wrong.” He turned his head toward
Jesus, “Remember me when You come into Your kingdom.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Jesus spoke. “I
assure you: Today you will be with Me in paradise.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The priests close
enough to hear shouted, “Blasphemy! He’s hanging on a tree. God has cursed Him.
Neitther of you will end up in paradise.” Pointing fingers specifically at
Jesus, they said, “Will He never quit? Even in death He refuses to stop
blaspheming.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Dismas’ mother
screamed, “Don’t trust Him. He’s facing the same punishment as you. He’s just
as guilty as Barabbas obviously.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Yeah,” I yelled.
“Why promise something no one can prove as true? Get him off the cross and
he’ll really be saved, and we’ll all believe.” I paused before adding, “But You
can stay; You don’t need to physically save Yourself to prove anything.” I
chuckled.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Several hours
passed. The breeze on the air made the crucifieds’ flayed flesh wave slightly.
Clouds formed high up in the atmosphere and then disappeared. The sun was
shining brightly, and shedding warmth on everyone still around the scene.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The soldiers were
still there. The women following Jesus were still there, and Dismas’ mother
also. A robe-clad man wearing a yarmulke was kneeling with the women in front
of Jesus’ cross. Most of the religious leaders had disappeared, though a couple
were still around, snickering to each other.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I had thought
about nothing but leaving for at least the past hour, but somehow I couldn’t
bring myself to move. It made me angry. My time was wasting. Jesus was wasting
my time. If He hadn’t been up there, everything would be better, just like
Dismas’ mother had cried out. And since He was up there, I was mad at Him. He
claimed to be all-powerful, but really? What kind of all-powerful being allows
Himself to be hung up on a cross?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“I hate You,” I
shouted.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I probably would
have kept going, but Jesus’ voice cut me short.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
His voice was not
strong at this point in the ordeal, but it sounded compassionate. “Woman, here
is your son.” He paused before adding, “Here is your mother.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Dismas’ mother
screamed. “You take care of Your mother? You’re cruel! Here I am, almost all
alone, and my son is dying. His older brother was murdered as an infant like
thirty years ago in Bethlehem, but You don’t care. You dare to offer my son
hope, and offer Your mother hope, but here I am to suffer alone? You’re not a good
teacher. You’re a hateful, selfish, liar!” She cried again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
At that moment the
sky went totally dark. It wasn’t that clouds covered the sun; it was like
someone turned off the sun. The temperature dropped slightly in that moment as
well, so that the breeze brought a chill to my skin.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I couldn’t see
anything at this point. And as time dragged on, my vision didn’t improve. It
was as if I had become blind. Though based on the shouts and screams of terror
from those surrounding me, I knew it wasn’t just me. The darkness kept me glued
there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Jesus cried out in
agony as well. “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Forsaken You?” I
jeered, blotting out the other insults that were being hurled at Him in
that moment. “I’m trapped 2,000 years in
the past. And if I was in the time I’m supposed to be in, I’m trapped in
Missouri. And regardless of where I am, I’m as lonely as crap. I’ve been
flushed down the toilet by everyone in my life.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Jesus groaned in
pain, and His groans continued for the next several hours.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
In my mind I
wondered why He was groaning. <i>No one’s
doing anything to You now. The pain is over. You’re just up there now until You
die.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
He screamed. He
wept. His teeth started grinding. He groaned again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
“You weren’t
acting like this an hour ago!” I yelled. “What has changed?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
He kept yelling,
crying, and grinding His teeth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Finally, Jesus did
something different. He spoke audible words. It was a very simple statement.
Two words. “I’m thirsty.” It was the weakest I’d heard Him yet throughout the ordeal.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
A shuffling of
feet was heard move toward the cross, and a soldier’s voice said, “Here You
go!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Several seconds
later, Jesus shouted in a voice that was totally opposite from the one I heard
a few seconds prior, “It is finished!” He yelled it out in a voice that pierced
through the darkness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
Then, weakly
again, He spoke, “Father, into Your hands I entrust My spirit.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
The ground started
shaking. The sun returned, and it made me blink. Jesus’ body was still. His
head had fallen forward, blood still dripping from the thorns in His head. His
eyes were open, staring blankly forward, right at me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
It scared me to
death and I tried running away. One step. Two steps. The earth was rolling. My
foot fell, as another shake reverberated the ground, and it threw off my
balance and I fell. My head crashed against a stone on the ground.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-align: center;">
* * *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
I awoke in a
sweat. In fact, it would be an understatement to call it a sweat. My bed felt
like a pond. When I opened my eyes, I realized that my blurry vision was due to
lingering tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
<i>What have I done?</i> I took a deep breath. <i>Why was I there? Why did I act like that? I
always imagined I’d rescue Him, not join in with the others.</i> I wept again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
My head hit the
pillow again, after I flipped it over, and I tried to return to sleep so I
could forget those images.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; text-indent: .5in;">
While I have slept
since then, the images are still engrained in my mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
liL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836885125123882291.post-11987548113665195652017-01-27T15:22:00.004-06:002017-08-26T14:18:50.260-05:00Stranded Chapter 1 [Awakening, book 1]<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Day 1,
6:30 p.m.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I OPENED
MY eyes and confusion hit me like a semi-truck. (I know it’s a stereotypical
way to begin a story, but it’s exactly where this experience began, so it’s how
I will begin recounting it.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
My nose
was buried in dirt. It smelled stale, and it was clear that rain hadn’t been
around for a long time. While nothing else was clear to me in that moment, for
some reason I knew that my hometown never got rain. However, the sight that was
presented to me when I raised my head was anything but familiar to me. I was
laying down in the middle of a burnt-out forest. The trees stood as ghosts of
the trees that they had once been. Some were taller than others, but none were
green as far my eyes could see into the distance. <i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">What
a place,</i> I thought to myself. <i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">This
is going to be fun.</i> (I’m not the best with sarcasm, especially since I
don’t like others’ sarcasm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
It was
then that I realized that I was sweating. I looked around to see if I could
spot the location of the sun in the sky, and, sure enough, after several
seconds, I found it low in the western sky. However, that did little to assure
me that this was going to be a comfortable vacation (if it was even a
vacation). The temperature had to be at least 90 degrees, and the humidity was
sweltering. I felt like I was sitting in a bowl of honey, except instead of
smelling sweet, it smelled like dirt.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I was confused. I couldn’t remember anything—even my
name—except that I was sure I didn’t live here. However, I really didn’t
remember where I lived, so I decided to stand to my feet and explore the place
in which I found myself. As I stood to my feet I saw a lone mountain, which
rose conically from its base to a flat peak, in the distance. <i>Sweet,</i> I
thought to myself. <i>I can figure out exactly where I am from the top of
that mountain.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I set out west, towards the mountain. <i>Is there any
danger here?</i> the scared portion of my psyche questioned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I didn’t want to think about that possibility. I remembered
always being told by my parents: “Safety first.” And sure, this would have been
a good time to employ it, but I didn’t care about the advice my parents had
given me. <i>It doesn’t make life any easier.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>You don’t know what—or who—else is here,</i> the scared part reminded me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
It was true, and maybe I was a little worried, but who
isn’t a little scared at some point? I would be fine. I was sure of it. <i>If
there are lions or tigers here, as long as I don’t bother them they will leave
me alone. Same with snakes.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I continued walking, working on keeping those thoughts
suppressed. <i>Think positive</i>, I told myself; that was my life motto,
and even if it wasn’t before, it certainly would be now. The palm tree cemetery
had given way to a stretch of long grass. However, the long grass wasn’t
standing up; it was also dead, scattered across the ground. Rocks of varying
sizes dotted the landscape as if hurled by an angry giant in a fairy tale. Some
were as large as a person; some were smaller than a quarter. There were no
trees—not even burnt-out husks—in my current position, and I was sweating like
a dog. The ghostly forest resumed a hundred yards ahead, but I felt as if I’d
never reach it, and even if I did reach it, I knew that their dried out trunks
and fronds would provide much shade.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Ten minutes later I was in the forest. As I walked, I
observed the appearance of the trees more closely. I touched one and soot came
off on my fingers. I walked from tree to tree in the sweltering heat, observing
their appearance, trying to determine where I was. All of the trees I inspected
were burned. Some were worse than others, but they all showed signs of being
burned. I was surprised to find shoots of greenery on several of the trees. <i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">It
seems to have been a tropical paradise at one point in time,</i> I reasoned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
My eyes glanced towards the mountain standing in the
distance, and I had to look away, because the sun was right next to
it—incredibly bright in the evening sky. It reminded me of yet another personal
fact: <i>I prefer overcast days to sunny days.</i> However, there
wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and I didn’t expect that to change any time soon. I
hoped it would rain, and my positive thinking philosophy urged me to keep
hoping for that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Still, as I walked through the palm tree forest, there was
an unusual peace in the place. It was silent. No noise. (Not even chirping
birds.) No people. No technology. Nothing but nature. It was beautiful. It
really was. Tall ghosts of palm trees stretched to the cloudless sky. Brown
grass surrounded the base of the palm trees. Boulders were scattered around
randomly. Despite the absence of life in the place, it was a perfect get-away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I wonder if I have it to myself.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Don’t get your hopes up,</i> I
told myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Shut up. I don’t want any more negativity.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I’m just being realistic.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Well maybe I don’t want to be realistic. Anyways, there’s
no reason to say that is realistic. </i>(I
had inner debates with myself all the time. They were normally just as pitiful
sounding as this one.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
While I was enjoying the peace—still walking west—I heard
running water. I was overjoyed. It was coming from ahead of me, <i>probably
behind those boulders up there.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I ran to the rocks and to my surprise, I was correct. I
walked down the boulder, which was actually just a flat rock that sloped down
into the standing pool of water. The pool was fed from the north by a stream,
and it left the pool to the south by another stream. <i>It’s the perfect
spot. If I had to camp here—wherever “here” is—I’d choose this site.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I waded into the crystal clear water and it came up to my
hips. It felt amazing compared to the heat of the sun. It was refreshing and
cool—it made up for the lack of shade afforded by the dead palm trees. I waded
out and lay down to dry on one of the flat rocks that sloped into the pool. The
rock was warm and I immediately understood how snakes feel. <i>This is the
life.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I lay there for several minutes. I finally sat up and
freaked out for the first time in this story. Three duffel bags, towels, and
junk food wrappers were scattered around the palm trees ten steps west of my
location. <i>Other people. </i>I didn’t know what to do. <i>Should
I stay; should I run?</i> I didn’t know.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I decided on neither. I stood up, as water dripped off my
clothes and splattered into the dust on the ground, and I walked west again,
continuing my venture towards the mountain. As I passed the stuff that was
scattered on the ground I found where the unopened junk food was stored. I
grabbed a bag of Cheez-its and a chocolate bar and continued heading towards
the mountain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I ate the chocolate bar as I walked, but stuffed the
crackers in my pocket. <i>I hope they don’t get totally crushed in there.</i> I
finished the chocolate and stuffed the empty wrapper in my pocket. <i>I
don’t want to give away my presence.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Just then I heard voices moving towards me. I couldn’t make
out words, but I knew they were getting closer. A boulder was sitting a few
feet away, so I decided to hide behind it. <i>I’ll wait for them to pass,
and then continue on my way.</i> I made it behind the boulder just in
time. This rock was not flat, but rather very bulky and covered in little holes
like a sponge.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“That was craze, homie,” said a male voice. “Da fire was
huge. I don’ know how we made it safely down here. It looked like it was about
to explode, but it didn’. Dat was sick, homie. I’m so happy to be alive.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
It sounded like the voice’s owner had stopped walking. I
warily poked my head around the side of the rock, hoping that no one would see
me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The voice’s owner was four feet away from me, standing next
to another guy who was about the same height. They both looked about eighteen
years old, they were both white, and they were both smoking cigarettes. The
difference between the two came in clothing and hair styles. One had a blonde
buzz cut, and the other wore a flat brimmed baseball cap straight forward over
his black hair. The black haired one wore basketball shorts, and the blonde one
wore long sagging blue jeans. Both were muscular—not ripped—but they both
clearly worked out a little every day or so, or were just gifted with a decent
body type.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I ducked back behind the boulder to consider my own
appearance. I looked down to see a scrawny guy with no muscle. From wrist to
shoulder, my arms were just about the same circumference the whole way. I was
wearing a white baseball cap that said Angels on it. My jean shorts cut off
above my knees at that moment because my knees were bent as I sat behind the
boulder.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I peeked my head back over the rock, hoping that I would
remain invisible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“I’m happy to be alive too, Joey,” the black haired kid
said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>So the blonde kid is Joey. That’s cool. Is he friend or foe?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The black haired kid turned towards my hiding spot so I
ducked back behind the rock again. <i>Please don’t hurt me.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Come on, Joey. Follow me. We’ve barely explored this
island.” A pause. “Joey, what you staring at?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“There’s, there’s,” he began. “There’s something behind dat
rock.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I’m done for.</i> I
stayed hidden behind the rock. <i>Please don’t walk over here.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey was still talking. “Kevin, it might jump out and scare
me. I hate getting scared. You know how I am when dat happens. Don’ you
remember what I told you about da time we were at Jay’s house and his mom
scared me?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“I remember,” Kevin said. “I see nothing though, bro. You need
to control your fears. I’ve never known an almost nineteen year old to be as
big a scaredie cat as you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Shut up, Kev. I ain’ scared.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Don’t lie, bro. Now get moving. We need to get back to
Justin before it’s dark.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“I ain’ lying.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The footsteps started up again, heading east, away from my
location.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
My mind started spinning. <i>Who are they? I’m trapped
on an island? What was on fire? Who’s Justin? Who’s Jay? What’s going on?</i> The
thoughts crashed through my mind like a pinball in a machine. <i>I want
answers, but I don’t want to die.</i> My heart beat had accelerated like a
drag racer during their conversation, and it was just beginning to slow down.
Half of me wanted to talk to Joey and Kevin, but another half told me I could
survive on my own.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
No matter what I choose, I decided I needed to get moving
again. <i>Who are they?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>If I’m truly on an island like they had said, I have no
need to go to the mountain, </i>I
figured. <i>Follow them,</i> my mind told me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Shut up!</i> I
shouted at myself. I wasn’t ready to die and there was no way to know for sure
if they were friend or foe.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Weren’t you listening? Joey’s scared of getting scared. He
won’t touch you.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I had to admit that that was a good point. <i>What if
it’s an act though? His speaking habits could be a ploy as well. Maybe they
just want me to follow them so they can kill me.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>You’re absolutely ridiculous. Don’t be scared. Be a man and
get answers.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I’m convinced. </i>I
was nervous, but I stood up and set out east anyways, forsaking my
investigation of the mountain to pursue Joey and Kevin. I started jogging.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
*
* *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
IT DIDN’T TAKE LONG for me to catch up to them. They had
been slowly ambling away from my hiding spot, smoking and laughing up a storm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
The two minutes it took me to reach them had been filled
with questions—ones I wanted answered and ones I didn’t. <i>Can they
answer my questions? Are they going to kill me? Who else is here?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
They must have heard me following them because they turned
around. When they saw me, their reaction took me completely by surprise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey, the blonde, spoke first. “Jay! How’s it going, homie?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I’m Jay?</i> I was
shocked. <i>These guys were at my house one time?</i> I put my hands
on my backside to slide my fingers into my back pockets (to show I wasn’t
nervous), and the feeling of mud coming off on my fingers surprised and grossed
me out at the same time and changed my mind about the placement of my
hands. <i>It’s from wading in the pool and hiding from these two by
sitting in the dirt.</i> As I brushed my hands off against each other, I
remembered that I hate the feel of mud.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Before I could respond to Joey, Kevin greeted me too. “What
you been up to recently, Jay?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Who are you two?” I was finally able to spit out. <i>They
act like they know me, but I have no idea why. I’ve never seen them in my life,
have I?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“It’s Joey and Kevin, your friends from church,” Kevin said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey continued his thought. “Yeah, Jay. Are you losing it?
We’ve hung out almost every day since kindergarten. We spent da night at each
other’s houses, ding-dong-ditched, went to birthday parties, and have grown up
at church together too. Did you hit your head or something?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>It sounds familiar, but I don’t know. He could be trying to
trick me. All I want is answers. Sure, Joey just gave me some, but I’m not
positive that it is true.</i> I finally
stopped thinking and decided to speak. “You tell me if I hit my head. You said
something was on fire. Maybe I hit it then.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“It’s possible. You clearly aren’t feeling so good after da
crash.” Joey’s face looked concerned as he took a drag on his cigarette.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Crash!” I yelled. “What crash?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“We were on an airplane. It crashed just offshore of dis
island. It was da freakiest thing ever—flames all around us. I thought we were
going to die. Shi’, homie,” Joey grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “I’m
so dang happy to be alive.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Me too,” I replied. I gave Joey a look that told him to
get his hands off me. <i>Other than supposedly being my best friend, who
does this guy think he is?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey slid his hands into his pockets—a sheepish grin
covering his face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Where’d the plane go down?” I asked. <i>Maybe if I
see it, some of my memory will return. So many pieces are flying through my
head; all I want is for them to fit together into one complete puzzle.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“It was over there,” said Kevin, pointing east with his
right hand. “Why you ask?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I explained my hypothesis about my memory returning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey vetoed it. “You don’ wanna do dat, homie. Some
annoying li’l punk named Jared declared himself king of dis place. Kevin and me
got kicked out for disagreeing with him.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Yeah. He some rich kid. Thinks life owes him everything he
wants.” Kevin’s facial expression showed disgust.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I need answers. Maybe this Jared guy can help.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Kevin continued, “I can’t stand the guy.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey interjected. “His girlfriend hot as hell dough. I’d
tap dat.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“You’d—” Kevin started.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I cut him off. “I need answers. Ima go find out some stuff.
Don’t stop me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“What you need answered?” Joey asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“For one: what’s my name?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey answered very matter of fact. “Jay Matthew Liyfer.
Born February 2, 1992. Age eighteen. You live in Desert Valley, California;
right up da street from me.” He paused. “You need yo social security number
too?” He paused again. “I don’ have it.” He laughed as he took a drag on his
cigarette.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>So I’m Jay and I’m eighteen? Good to know. </i>“Do I have a girlfriend?” I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
Joey looked at Kevin, shrugged, looked back at me and said,
“Yeah. Her name is Cami or somethin’.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Oh thanks,” I said as I felt a smile spread across my
face. I started walking away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Good luck with Jared,” Kevin called. “If you need a place,
we got a camp set up in the middle of the island.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
“Thanks. I’ll think about it.” I ran off east, leaving them
behind. The last thing I overheard was them arguing over the Jared guy’s
girlfriend.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Those two are hilarious, and they still seem real enough. I
just hope they are who they say they are, but I really have no clue.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>So I have a girlfriend?</i> I
thought, as my mind changed topics. <i>Life isn’t so bad after all. I hope
she’s stuck on this island too. If not, this place will suck.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
I kept walking—wondering about Jared and my
girlfriend. <i>Who are they? What are they like? Did Joey and Kevin blow
Jared way out of proportion or is he really like that? </i>The thought
made me nervous. <i>Cami. What does she look like? Is that actually her
name? Joey is hard to understand</i>, I reasoned.<i> Either way, I can’t
wait to find her and tell her that I’m okay.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
As I kept walking, I noticed that the sun was gone, and the
shadows were growing on the ground. I also began to notice how tired I was, and
I wondered how long it had been since I slept (before going unconscious in the
middle of the island). <i>How’d that even happen?</i> I forced myself
onward. <i>I need answers.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-align: center;">
*
* *<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
AFTER TWENTY MINUTES of stumbling through the dead forest,
tripping over burnt out roots and scattered rocks, I realized I would hurt
myself if I kept going in the dark. The sun was gone, and shadows covered
everything.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>Don’t stop,</i> a
voice in my head said. <i>Don’t you want answers?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<i>I do,</i> I
countered,<i> but I’m tired and I don’t want to hurt myself. Safety first,
remember?</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 13.8pt; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
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I stopped where I stood at that moment, lay down, and
closed my eyes for the night.<o:p></o:p></div>
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liL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836885125123882291.post-71087728931413668532016-06-23T17:11:00.001-05:002016-06-23T17:11:11.356-05:00Peter's Walk<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The day that would change the course of the rest of my life began
like any other day. And I’m not talking about the day Jesus of Nazareth first
called me to follow Him, though if it wasn’t for that day, I would never have experienced
the events I’m about to relate. This was the day that I started to change from
a timid follower into a faithful disciple. Allow me to explain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The day had started like any other. I woke up, drank some milk,
kissed my wife goodbye, and went out to meet Jesus, as I’d done every morning
since He’d first called me away from my fishing business. We walked around
Galilee, following closely behind Jesus as He spoke of the Kingdom of Heaven, answered
queries from strangers, dodged tests from Pharisees, ate meals with sinners, healed
people who asked him for healing, and forgave peoples’ sin. None of it was
unusual for a day in the life of a disciple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Things changed when a messenger came from the Essenes. Jesus’
cousin, John, who had lived out in the wilderness under rigorous conditions with
their sect, had been executed by Herod. John had been preaching about
repentance, was always dressed in a camel’s hair garment, eating locusts and
honey—which didn’t do much for his case—and was baptizing people in the Jordan
River for forgiveness of sins when he had been arrested and thrown in jail by
Herod’s soldiers. Word on the street was that he had been accusing Herod of an
immoral relationship. But now the news was out that he had been executed. Jesus
didn’t take the news of his death very well, but none of us twelve blamed Him
for that, though Iscariot did mutter something to me under his breath about how
Jesus should grow up; “everyone dies,” he’d said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It was at this point that Jesus decided He needed to get away from
the crowds, so He called on John and James, Andrew and me to prepare a boat to
take across the Sea of Galilee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">We prepared the craft quickly, raising the sail, raising the oars, and
raising our eyes and voices to heaven asking Adonai to grant us a safe voyage
across the sea. I noticed storm clouds forming over the surrounding mountains
as we were crossing the halfway point, but thought nothing of it, because Jesus
was in the boat with us. He’d calmed a storm for us before; if one came up today,
it would be no different. But no storm came up, and after about an hour of
sailing, we were on the opposite side of the sea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">So were the crowds. Somehow they had beaten us there, and as soon as
Jesus’ foot crossed from the boat to the shore, the needy people were standing
there asking for favors. I attempted to tell them to come again some other
time, but Jesus told me not to, because He had no qualms about helping them. He
reminded us that this was why He had come. So we all got out of the boat, and decided
to help bring the lame and guide the blind to Jesus in order to be healed. For
five hours we did this, and finally the sun was approaching the horizon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I was tired. I wanted to eat dinner, maybe hear a story or two from
Jesus, get a good teaching on the Torah from Him, and go home to be with my
wife. So, I approached Him, taking Andrew, Thomas, and Judas along with me, and
told Him, “This place is a wilderness, and the time for the evening meal has
already passed. Send the crowds away so they can go into the villages and buy
food for themselves.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jesus responded as only He could. “They don’t need to go away. You
give them something to eat.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I was taken aback. <i>Who does He think I am? I’m certainly not
Adonai. He told us to pray, “Give us today our daily bread,” and now He wants
me to give them their daily bread? I was dumbfounded.</i> All I said, though,
was, “We only have five loaves and two fish here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Bring them here to Me,” Jesus said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I handed them over to Jesus, and, beginning with that, I had no
clue that the next twelve hours of my life would be one of the most intense sets
of twelve hours in my entire life. Jesus proceeded to instruct the large crowd
on how to gather around on the grass. Then, He looked up to heaven, blessed the
food in Adonai’s name, broke it into pieces and gave the pieces to us twelve to
pass out to the people. As He broke off the small lump of bread and handed it
to me, I couldn’t believe the idiocy of what I was being asked to do. There was
no possible way that this would feed everyone, let alone one-twelfth of
everyone. But I did as I was told, and broke pieces off to give to everyone. By
the time I’d passed out my section of the loaf, I’d handed pieces to more
people than I could count, and I wasn’t giving skimpy amounts either. I broke
off part of it, handed it out, broke off another chunk, handed it out, broke
off another chunk, handed it out, as did the other eleven of us, and by the
time we ran out and returned to Jesus, everyone had received food.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I spoke first, “How’d that happen?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jesus replied, “You’ve seen nothing yet, Simon.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It was true. After everyone ate, Jesus sent us out to gather
leftovers. We came back with twelve large basketfuls; one for each of us. It
made no sense, but I had no time to question it before Jesus told us to get in
the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, yet again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">We obeyed. We were all still completely dumbstruck about the bread,
and we conversed about it as we prepared the boat for the return voyage to
Gennesaret. I felt better knowing that I wasn’t the only one who was amazed
that food had multiplied the way it had; it proved I wasn’t dreaming. But as we
set out on the sea for the return home, any great dream the food episode might
have been was forgotten by the nightmare that was about to strike in the figure
of a storm at sea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The trip started well. The darkness was heavy, barely pierced at
all by the small lantern at the prow, but I was a fisherman. This was my life.
My brother Andrew, and John and James were also fishermen. We lived on this
sea. We’d spent many nights on this sea. We’d sailed it many times. We knew
where the best fishing spots were. If anyone had a question about this sea, we
were the go-to guys. And I, as the oldest, was the leader. But Jesus’ words
after handing out the bread and fish stuck with me: “You’ve seen nothing yet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The thought snapped me back to reality. I looked up at the sky and
noticed not a star in sight. That’s when I heard my brother holler, “I just
felt rain. Prepare for a storm.” Then I felt a drop as well. It was followed by
many more. <i>Why did Jesus send us off alone?</i> I wondered. Then the wind
struck the mast, resulting in a tearing sound. “I’ll have to replace that now,”
I said to myself, cursing that I didn’t know where the money was going to come
from to pay for it. The wind kept blowing, the rain kept falling, and then the
first wave crashed over the side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">There we were, trapped on a boat—eighteen cubits long by five cubits
wide—totally at the mercy of the wind and waves. The rain poured down as Andrew
and I pulled the broken sail down and stowed it under the bed upon which Jesus
had slept the last time we were in this predicament. The sight again reminded
me that He was gone. I felt betrayed. But there was no time to think about that
at the moment. All of the disciples minus Iscariot, Thomas, Matthew, and me picked
up oars, and sat down in the puddles that were forming from the storm, and began
to row.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It was crazy outside. The winds were blowing hurricane force winds;
the waves were churning our ship up and down in the water like a milkmaid
churning butter. We all thought we were going to die. The darkness outside didn’t
help either; the only light came from the small lantern on the prow, and I
wondered to myself just how long it would be before that lantern was snuffed
out by the wind or waves. My questions were answered as another set of waves
crashed on the deck, flooded the top, smothered our light, and soaked down onto
the rowers below. No one was happy, and we all began praying to Adonai to rescue
us from this certain death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">* * *<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">After several hours of the same, nerves were at the breaking point.
Thomas, Iscariot, Matthew, and I were all complaining that Jesus had certainly
called us to follow Him just so we would die on this stupid body of water.
Cries of complaint came from the rowers who were soaked to the bone, cold, and
frightened, and I had to remind them repeatedly, “We’re no better off.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Andrew specifically called me once, “Simon, is it really worth it
for us to row against this storm? We’re just wearing ourselves out.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I didn’t want to agree with him, but he was right. This storm had
us trapped. We’d be lucky to survive, let alone make any progress before the
storm ended. I kept my mouth shut though, simply reminding him, “We’re no
better off.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That was when I spied something in the distance. I wasn’t entirely
sure what it was, given the churning waves, spray from the waves, falling rain,
and utter darkness. I kept looking and it began to come into focus. It was a
blacker spot against an already black background. I didn’t have a clue what it
could be, so I called Matthew over to me. He looked in the direction I pointed,
and conveyed the same sense of confusion I had expressed. We didn’t know what
it was. It was definitely getting larger though, regardless of what it was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I told the rowers to stop rowing, and they hurriedly obeyed. When
they had stowed their oars and reached me, I urged them to look in the
direction of the figure. They obliged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Leave it to my little brother to say something stupid, but he was
the first to speak. “I think I know what that is,” his voice started to shake.
“I heard some soldiers talking one day about phantoms that can walk around and
kill people.” He paused, gulped, and continued, “It’s a phantom!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It caused everyone on the boat to break out in a panic. “It’s a phantom!
We’re all going to die!” If I’m honest, I was screaming just as much as
everyone else. “We’re doomed. The phantom will destroy us all.” Never mind that
the wind, waves, and rain were more likely to kill us all, though they were all
but forgotten amidst the excitement of the new observation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That’s when it happened. The phantom spoke. And when it spoke, I recognized
His voice. “Be courageous. I am. Have no fear.” It was Jesus, but it was what He
said between the first and last sentences that gave me pause. “I am.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Not, “I am here,” but just the plain and simple, “I am.” It brought
to mind what I had learned in the synagogue on the Sabbath growing up as a good
Jewish boy. When Moses met Adonai at the burning bush, he asked Him, “Who
should I say sent me?” Adonai replied, “Tell the Israelites, ‘I AM sent you.’”
If I wasn’t mistaken, Jesus had just claimed to be Adonai, and there He was,
walking on the water.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I wasn’t the only one who realized it was Jesus either, because all
twelve of us on the deck of the ship looking out into the distance had clearly
understood what He had said. We had completely forgotten the storm amidst shouts
of, “It’s Jesus,” “He’s come for us,” “He really does care,” ringing out all around
the boat. My brother shed some light on the situation again. “I heard the soldiers
also say that only deities can walk on water; are you sure that’s Jesus?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“What do centurions know?” the Zealot replied.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I would cast a lot that He’s standing on a log,” Thomas quipped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I had to agree with the Zealot over Thomas. Soldiers are a bunch of
numbskull freaks wearing armor, living for Caesar, hurting our people, who have
been hit in the helmet once too many times with a sword or shield to know what
they are talking about. I decided to make my opinion known to my fellows in the
boat. “I promise you that that’s Jesus, and I promise that He is simply walking
on the water.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The boat grew silent. No one said anything for several seconds. The
figure in the distance standing on the water still stood there, dark against
the darkness of the water and sky. Then Andrew spoke. “Okay, Simon. If you’re
so confident that that really is Jesus, prove it. Don’t be a Pharisee. Do
something about it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">So I did. I called out to Jesus. “Lord, since I believe that it is
You, command me to come to You on the water.” It was out before I could stop
myself. I didn’t know what to do. I mean, Jesus did crazy stuff; of course He
can walk on water. But me? There’s
nothing in me to enable me to walk on water, just like there was nothing in the
pigs at Gergesa to prevent their drowning in the sea when the demons fled into
them. I hoped beyond hope that Jesus would see my faith and not call me on it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">But it was not to be that way. As I’ve learned in the days since
that day, faith is worthless if it’s just something spoken; faith has to work
itself out in action as well. That’s why Jesus proceeded to say, “Come.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It was a simple, one word command. And when Jesus commands
something, I must go. So I did. I knew I could do this. I multiplied fish and
bread earlier by Jesus’ enablement. So I jumped over the side, keeping my gaze
planted on Jesus, and when my feet hit the water, they didn’t sink. They didn’t
sink at all. It was like jumping off the boat onto shore after a day of
fishing. I couldn’t believe it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Things like this don’t happen. My wife would never believe that I
walked on the sea. Humans don’t walk on the sea, but here were two humans—Jesus
and myself—walking on the sea. I took a step toward Jesus; I still felt like I
was on dry ground. I took another step; no difference. I took another step;
Jesus was getting closer; before too many more steps, I’d be able to reach out
and touch Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A wave crashed over me, and my mind was instantly jerked back to
the storm surrounding me. The water was not calm, even where I was walking.
Waves had been lapping over my feet the whole time since I’d stepped out of the
boat. I hadn’t paid it any mind until the huge swell crashed over me. The wind
was blowing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jesus was still fathoms away from me, walking calmly towards me, as
if nothing was going wrong. I actually noticed huge waves rushing toward Him
simply vanishing, as if they were bowing before Him. It upset me that He was
untouched by the waves, but they were crashing over me. I was totally at their
mercy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Now that I was soaked, the wind chilled me to the bone. I glanced back
to the boat, and they were still staring out towards me. I heard someone yell,
“He’s sinking,” and that’s when I realized the water was up to my waist. Then
it was at my neck. I started flailing in the water, not knowing what I should
do. My mind flew back to a psalm I had learned as a child, so I cried out, “Save
me, Lord. For the water has risen to my neck.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">That’s when I felt Jesus’ hand touch my shoulder. He had knelt
completely down, reached His arm under the water, and grabbed my shoulder with
His hand. He pulled me up with His carpenter-strong arm, and as I stood next to
Him on the water, not sinking, I felt like a fool. I was such a foolish
disciple. I was the most unworthy. I was the one whose faith and trust were
tested, and I was the one who failed. As long as I’d looked at Him, I was doing
fine; as soon as my gaze moved off Him and onto my situation, I was sinking in
the water. I knew for certain that I’d hear a reprimand from my Master.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">As I stood next to Him, I thought of all the ways I’d answer the
reprimand that was surely coming from Him. I figured I could argue that I at
least tried to follow Him out on the water; no one else had. I figured I could
argue that I was perfectly content to be under the water; fish live there, so
it would be an adventure. I figured I could argue that it had been a long day,
and all I really wanted was sleep; if I had been more awake, I could have
focused better on Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Just as I was about to open my mouth and preempt His reprimand, He
beat me to it. Our eyes met as He asked, “You of little faith, why did you
doubt?” His eyes weren’t accusatory, but rather understanding. Full of
understanding. It was the same look He gave me the other fateful early morning
when we were together, yet apart; the day I denied Him three times before He
was crucified, after assuring Him that I would never leave Him. And just like
that day, and that look, His gaze and His question crushed any opposition
inside me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I had no response to speak. Rather we walked silently back as I
just stared at Him. It was as if He intimately understood me. He didn’t say,
“You’re an idiot for not having more faith!” He didn’t say, “I hate your lack
of faith.” He simply asked, “Why did you doubt?” as if to get me to search out
my motivations.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Doubt has always been my biggest struggle. It led me to fear. It
led me to lies. It led me to violence. It led me to denial of the greatest Person
I have ever known, the greatest Person who has ever known me. But He never gave
up on me; even after this sinking incident, He took me by the hand, set me back
on my feet, and later said that I was blessed for knowing that He was the
Messiah. <i>What’s better than hearing from Jesus’ own mouth that you are
blessed?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">But as we walked the rest of the way to the boat that morning, in
silence, I was awed by Jesus. I didn’t know what to say or do, except to keep
my eyes on Him. I could hear the wind. I could feel the waves. I could hear the
others in the boat, but I paid them no attention. Jesus was walking with me. He
cared for me, even though I often failed Him, and would continue to do so—and still
do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">My excuses for failing to walk well seemed so pathetic in the
presence of Jesus. It didn’t matter what others did; what I did was what I was
responsible for. Of course I don’t want to be a fish; <i>am I stupid?</i> My
exhaustion was no excuse, though I often resorted to that excuse; Jesus
deserved my everything. I once told Jesus, speaking for all of the twelve, that
we’d left everything to follow Him; I knew that I certainly hadn’t left my
sleep to follow Him, so what a bold, arrogant assumption that had been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And He could have let me drown in my failure, but He didn’t. He
knelt down and lifted me out. He humbled Himself, lowering Himself down upon
the raging waves to pull me back onto my feet. It reminds me of the fact that He
humbled Himself to become a man at all. I hadn’t completely understood it at
the time, but Adonai Himself had been walking on the water that day. My little
brother had been right; a deity had been walking on the water. And it humbles
me to think that He saw me important enough in His eyes to give me the honor of
participating with Him in His power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">We clambered back into the boat, and I couldn’t bring myself to
stand. I flopped onto my back and gazed up at the dark sky as rain smacked me
in the face. I was exhausted. Being awake since sunrise the day before had
taken its toll. In addition, my experience on the Sea with the Lord of the Sea
left me empty. The emotions that went into that moment were more than I could
handle, and they left me exhausted. I closed my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Cries jolted me back to alertness. The realization of Jesus’
presence, Jesus’ power, and my experience had worn off the people in the boat,
and the water level inside was still rising. The wind whipped around, waves crashed,
men cried out to Jesus and Adonai simultaneously. It was chaos. A dead person
couldn’t sleep through it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And then, just like that, the rain stopped, wind stopped, and the
waves grew calm. The only thing that continued for a few seconds afterwards was
the cries of the men in the boat. They soon ceased as well, as the clouds
disappeared, and the glow of the sunrise in the east started to show over the
mountains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">What happened next was amazing. It was totally unexpected, but
looking back it was exactly what needed to happen. And, it’s a good thing only
us twelve and Jesus were in the boat, because if the Pharisees had seen what
happened, they would have hounded Jesus a lot harder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It started as I turned from my back onto my front—still laying in a
puddle of water—and looked ahead of me. Jesus was standing there, His eyes
gazing down at me. I don’t know what caused me to do it, but I drew my knees
under my chest—assuming a kneeling, prostrate position—and stretched my hands
out to Jesus. “Truly You are the Son of God,” I said. “Thank You for saving me
from the waves. Thank You for calling me to trust You. Help me to trust You
better in the future. I just want to be a worthy follower.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I was too caught up in the moment and too caught up in my own
praise to worry about what the others were doing or saying, but all around I heard
splashes (as if they were falling to their knees) and the phrase, “Truly You
are the Son of God.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It was a day I’ll never forget. The day that changed me from a
timid follower into a faithful disciple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">* * *<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“But Peter, sir,” the young man began, “how did that event change
you into a faithful follower. You were unfaithful later, when you denied
Christ. You’ve told me that yourself in many sermons since I joined your faith
fellowship.” The young man had dark brown hair and eager eyes, wore a grey
toga, and sat cross-legged on the floor (with a writing tablet and ink on his
lap) at the feet of an older man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The older man spoke. “Mark, my son, would you consider yourself
faithful to Jesus?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yes,” came the instant reply.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“As would I consider you to be,” Peter said, pausing. “But, would
you not also admit to having deserted Paul’s ministry early on?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Hesitant to respond, he answered, “Yes,” as his face grew somber.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Peter pulled on his greying beard as he spoke. “Faithfulness is not
seen in light of perfection. It is seen in light of pattern. Your pattern has
been faithfulness. Faithfulness to Christ, faithfulness to me, and hopefully
one day renewed faithfulness to our brother Paul as well. In my case, I did
deny Christ in His moment of greatest temptation, but so did Judas. And while I
hate comparing myself to anyone but our Lord, it is important to recognize the
difference between Judas and myself. Judas hung himself; I was restored and
continued with Jesus, and still continue with Jesus to this day.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I understand, sir. It’s quite a remarkable difference, and a very
good point to remember. Thank you.” He paused, before looking at the writing
materials on his lap, and then asked, “So how should I write this episode for
my relation of Jesus’ life?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“The first thing to do is make sure to leave out any personal
details about me. I don’t want this to be Peter’s story; I want it to be Jesus’
story. Can you do that?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yes.” Mark then began writing. Several minutes later, Mark said, “I’ve
got it. Let me read it to you:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">‘The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to Him all that
they had done and taught.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a remote place and
rest for a while.” For many people were coming and going, and they did not even
have time to eat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">So they went away in the boat by themselves to a remote place, but
many saw them leaving and recognized them. People ran there by land from all
the towns and arrived ahead of them. So as He stepped ashore, He saw a huge
crowd and had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a
shepherd. Then He began to teach them many things.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">When it was already late, His disciples approached Him and said,
“This place is a wilderness, and it is already late! Send them away, so they
can go into the surrounding countryside and villages to buy themselves
something to eat.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“You give them something to eat,” He responded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">They said to Him, “Should we go and buy 200 denarii worth of bread
and give them something to eat?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">And He asked them, “How many loaves do you have? Go look.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">When they found out they said, “Five, and two fish.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then He instructed them to have all the people sit down in groups
on the green grass. So they sat down in ranks of hundreds and fifties. Then He
took the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, He blessed and
broke the loaves. He kept giving them to His disciples to set before the
people. He also divided the two fish among them all. Everyone ate and was
filled. Then they picked up 12 baskets full of pieces of bread and fish. Now
those who ate the loaves were 5,000 men.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go ahead of
Him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while He dismissed the crowd. After He
said good-bye to them, He went away to the mountain to pray. When evening came,
the boat was in the middle of the sea, and He was alone on the land. He saw
them being battered as they rowed, because the wind was against them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Around three in the morning He came toward them walking on the sea
and wanted to pass by them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">When they saw Him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost
and cried out; for they all saw Him and were terrified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Immediately He spoke with them and said, “Have courage! I am. Don’t
be afraid.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: .25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then He got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. They were
completely astounded.’ ”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Mark waited a second before speaking again. “How does that sound?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Peter’s voice quaked as he spoke. “That sounds very good, my son.
My name didn’t even come up once. Just as it should be. Thank you.” He paused,
closed his eyes, and a minute later spoke again. “That writing will impact many
people. The Spirit of Christ will certainly use it for His glory.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Mark was silent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Peter was silent too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then Mark spoke again. “So what happened next in your encounter
with Jesus?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
liL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836885125123882291.post-87135558115392658052016-03-27T12:37:00.001-05:002016-06-23T16:47:31.019-05:00Survivor prologue (ruff draft) [Awakening, book 3]<div class="s4" style="line-height: 2.4; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
I OPENED MY EYES, and the sight was thoroughly terrifying. A
lanky, redhead male, with a toothy grin was staring straight at me. He was only
inches from my face. It took me straight back to my worst nightmares. Red
Savage. The guy who’s haunted me since I was a teenager, and who accused me
throughout my early days as a believer. Early days doesn’t quite cover the amount
of time he’s haunted me. It’s been almost six years since I started following
Christ with all that’s in me, and he’s been dogging me hard, especially the
last six or so months.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“You are worthless.” His breath was terrible, and his words stung.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
Sarah—the awesomest girl I’ve ever known—just broke up with me two
weeks ago. It was just a month ago that you last heard from me; when Red was
put to flight by my friend Connor, and Sarah was reassured in my stance for
purity. In the month that followed a whole lot of things happened. First,
I got a full-time job. Second, I started the process of officially moving from
Desert Valley, California to Ozark Ridge, Missouri. Third, I became incredibly
depressed and easily frustrated. Sarah was amazing though, and was walking
through it with me. She wanted to help me. She wanted to see me succeed. She
wanted me to see Christ clearly in a time when all I could see was my failures
and insecurities. But me being the fool that I am told her to stop trying to
help me; I basically told her, “If you’re going to try to act like my wife,
let’s just get married and make it official.” She didn’t deserve it. And then
that fateful day came around.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
It was a Sunday. I woke up late, almost decided against going to
church, and instead showed up late. I was frustrated by the sermon,
because the preacher was speaking about the “victorious Christian life,” and I
couldn’t see anything in my life that screamed, “Victory here!” After church, I
went to work, and after work I was going to Sarah’s dorm to see her for a few
before she went to bed. It was supposed to be a surprise, and on my way out of
work I pulled out my phone to call her, and saw that my mom wanted me to call.
In that moment, I decided to put my mom ahead of Sarah for once. During the
phone call, I became extremely frustrated, and then after hanging up, I started
complaining to Sarah. She called my sister Noelle down, since I was complaining
about family situations. Long story short, I started complaining about my dad,
my stroke, my life, and everything else. I ran out of the dorm and Noelle
followed me as Sarah watched from the door. The story ended with me yelling,
cussing, claiming God hates me, saying I was going to h#ll, and various other
things. I sped away back to my apartment, and went to bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
The next morning I woke up on time, spent time with the Lord, and
apologized for my cr#p the night before. It was an awesome morning, and then
Sarah came over for coffee. She wanted to talk about the night before, but I
had had such a good morning, I tried to divert the conversation away. That was
the last time we talked as a dating couple. But before she left, she kissed me
on the cheek, and it meant the world to me; she also looked deeply into my
eyes, as if to say, “I love you, and want you to beat this thing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
Red spoke again, still inches from my face. “Love. What a joke.
What kind of love leaves you in your time of greatest need?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
And I wanted to agree with him. I was planning my life around that
girl. I was moving to Missouri for her. I was fighting lust for her. I was
trying to be responsible for her. I stopped smoking, even recreationally, for
her. I loved her. I would have traded the whole temporal world for her, but it
wasn’t to be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“God is so deceptive, isn’t He?” Red sneered. “What kind of good
God would lure you out to Missouri with a girl and then have her break up with
you? It’s cruel, isn’t it?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
I had to admit. He was right. But then the thought struck me: <i>This
is what you wanted all along, you stupid sh#tface.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“No. I wanted you to have her for yourself even two months ago.
Remember when you guys were snuggling and watching that movie, and you both
were thinking about getting closer to each other? You guys should have. If you
had, she’d still be around. I’m not the bad guy here. It’s God. You know
what you told Sarah two weeks ago about wanting more than anything to turn your
back on God and pursue sin again? Why didn’t you? Why don’t you now? It’s not
like she’s around anymore to tell you what to do or not do. She’s not around
anymore to keep your pants on around other girls. She’s not around anymore to
keep you off the internet. She’s not around anymore to criticize your
personality type. Count your blessings and enjoy yourself!” He slapped me in
the face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“Shut up!” I yelled, with some other words thrown in as well. I
don’t know if I’m allowed to cuss at the sinful part of my psyche, but I did,
so it’s too late now. “She’s the clearest picture of my future wife that I
have. She’s made all the old images blurry. Everything that I would have done
for her; everything I was fighting you to possess for her, I still need for
whoever is in my future. So please, Red Savage, take your sorry little #ss out
of my face and go to h#ll where you belong.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
I continued, “I’ve known for the last seven months that you didn’t
want me with Sarah. The pressure against me has been way too strong, and it
almost drove me to suicide, but thanks be to God for the Shepherd’s Conference
three days after that fateful Sunday that reminded me of the truth of the
gospel. I can’t do anything to lose my standing before God. You can’t do
anything to make me lose my standing with God. It’s those truths that got me
through the last two weeks since the breakup.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
Red jumped in. “But you went back to the internet. You’re
worthless. You don’t deserve God. You didn’t deserve Sarah. You don’t deserve
anyone. And since I finally won the battle of Sarah and you, you’re going
to be miserable and single the rest of your life. That was the woman God had
chosen for you, and she dumped you, so I win.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“Just go ahead and enjoy all the porn and drugs and sex and
alcohol you want. They’ll make you feel better.” He slapped me again. “Then,
when you’re sick of all that sh#t, you can kill yourself and join me for
eternity.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“You’re a persistant little #sshole, aren’t you?" I accused.
"I’ll be real clear: I was tempted to return to the internet, and I might
have browsed for a really long time, but I stayed away from porn. I’m never
going back. You lose that fight. And whether or not Sarah was supposed to be my
future wife, I really don’t know at this point, but if she was, God is in total
control. You might be rejoicing now, but God’s plan always wins out. Read
Revelation. You end up in the lake of fire. I’m dressed in white worshipping
Him for eternity. And if she wasn’t supposed to be my wife and some other woman
is, Sarah had to be out of the picture eventually, so thank you. The point is,
you lose.” I spat at him. “Now get the h#ll out of my face, and let me go back
to sleep.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
“You haven’t won. I’ll be back.” He slapped me again as he turned
to leave.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
The last thing I remembered as I fell asleep again was the clock
reading 4:35 AM, Friday, March 27, 2016.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
</div>
liL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5836885125123882291.post-60063118528708406792016-01-23T13:48:00.000-06:002016-01-23T13:48:23.586-06:00Meeting<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The snow fell around him, causing him to shiver in the early
evening as he trudged through the powder. Every now and then he slipped, the
ice on the sidewalk making his journey treacherous. He was not used to this
type of weather. He had moved within its clutches the previous spring, when he
took a job in a totally different climate so that he could be closer to a
certain girl.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby’s trek through the snow was initiated when his car stopped
working, which he had discovered was the case when he needed groceries. When
the weather got too cold, his car was known to stop running properly—frozen
battery juices or something. When it had started cranking slowly, he told
himself he’d look into it later, which was his catch phrase: later. And now, as
before, later never came and then it was too late.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby cursed under his breath as he slipped again. The whole day
(Friday of all days) had gone down the toilet. First, he’d woken up late (a
surefire way to ruin any otherwise perfectly great day); then, his boss had
given him two weeks’ notice for him to find a new job (his position was being
downsized and he was the most recent hire); then, his girlfriend called and
informed him that she was getting a promotion at her job (<i>woohoo</i>; what
was he supposed to say?); then he realized he was out of main course options
for dinner; and finally, on his way to solve that problem, he realized that his
car was dead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“This has been a pretty worthless day,” he muttered to no one in particular,
as he reached for the door to the place where, until today, he had been happily
employed. As he pushed on the door, Bobby saw one of his fellow employees look
up as Bobby realized it had just hit closing time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The employee looked at him with a look that conveyed, “Sorry. We’re
closed.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby cursed again, turned around, and slipped again as he moved
from the store’s entry-ramp to the sidewalk, causing a stream of profanity to
flow. When he stood, he pulled his jacket tighter and flipped the hood up over
his head. He started walking again, and this time it was aimless wandering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He thought about the employee who was locking up, and the thought
made him mad. <i>Why couldn’t he have at least let me in?</i> he wondered. <i>I
was only going to be a minute. If my stupid car hadn’t died I would have been
there ahead of time. If the weather had been dry, like it was when I walked to
work this morning, I would have been there on time.</i> Bobby had worked directly
with that employee several times in the past, and while their relationship had
been entirely professional, he did know his name and the fact that he had been
the most recent hire before himself. <i>Why didn’t they let Jay go? What’s the
difference between letting one guy go and letting nobody go? Surely they could
have still kept me employed.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was standing at an intersection, waiting for the light to
change so he could cross over to the stretch of buildings where his favorite
bar was located, when he felt his phone vibrate. The photo i.d. told him that
it was Lynnette—his girlfriend—her short, straight blonde hair cut all around
just above her shoulders. He ignored the call. <i>She’ll leave a message like
she did this morning.</i> She didn’t. Instead, she called back. He ignored it again.
<i>Why the heck won’t she just leave a message? She probably wants to brag
about her promotion and make me feel worse.</i> The phone rang again. It was
her again. The text below her picture read “Lovely Lynnette.” He answered this
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> “Hello?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Hi, Bobby, where are you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“What do you mean? I’m heading to Harbell’s.” He paused. “I—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Don—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He reasserted himself. “I am—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Don’t you re—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I—” he interrupted himself to make sure she wasn’t going to cut
him off again. <i>Phones,</i> he muttered in his mind. He spoke: “I’m being
forced to walk everywhere. My car’s dead and I’m starved.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Her line was silent for a few seconds. When she spoke, it was clear
to Bobby that she was not as cheery as she had been on initially answering the
phone. “Don’t you remember that we were supposed to go out tonight?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Did she not hear that my car is dead?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> He spoke, “No, I don’t remember that. Besides, there’s no possible
way for me to get to you. My car is dead.” His tone was not as friendly as it
could have been.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Can I meet you at Harbell’s? I really want to see you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I want to see her too. She always looks better in person than on a
caller i.d. photo.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> His mind flew
to thoughts of her typical relaxation/hang-out wardrobe: tight-fitting jeans
and tight-fitting sweaters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He didn’t answer in time so Lynnette spoke again. “Did you not get
my message from earlier about my promotion?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby’s mind shot back to reality at the word “promotion.” He asked
her to repeat the question.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“You don’t seem like yourself, Bobby,” she added after she had
repeated herself. “Is everything going okay?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Are you stupid? My car’s dead. My stomach is empty.” A happy
couple walked out of Harbell’s, making Bobby more frustrated, as he continued.
“All you want to do is brag about how you got a promotion, but here I am
freezing my butt off in the cold cuz my car is broken, and in two weeks I’m out
of a job. So no, nothing’s going okay.” He could have stopped there, but he
added, “No thanks to you, either.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">There was silence on the other end. Then he heard sobs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“And now you want me to feel guilty? Well, I ain’t falling for it. You’re
making money every day; more now than before. You’ve got a car that works all
the time. You’ve got food in your stomach—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">She cut him off, choking back tears. “I actually haven’t eaten yet.
Remember, we were supposed to go—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Shut up! I’m sick of you interrupting me. I don’t have to deal
with this right now.” He hung up the phone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Another couple walked out—arm in arm, gazing into each other’s
eyes—and it took everything in Bobby not to punch the dude. He walked in as the
door was closing and sat down at the bar, in the middle seat of the only three
open ones. When the bartender asked him what he was drinking, he asked for a
Samuel Adams.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">I’m supposed to be the one who makes the money in my relationship.
I’m supposed to provide. I’m supposed to be the emotionally stable one. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He rested his head in his hands on the bar. <i>What am I even doing
here? I don’t have the money for this stuff. </i>His drink got set down in
front of him, and he looked up, but then resumed his previous position.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Life got you down?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yeah,” Bobby verbalized without moving anything but his mouth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He did not want to talk to anyone, even though there were plenty of
people to talk to in the small establishment. He wanted to hide under his
jacket and hood and drink himself into oblivion at his own pace. <i>How much
worse can this day get?</i> He decided not to think about that, and lifted his
head enough to take a drink. As he did, he noticed the bartender still standing
in front of him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Do you want anything to eat?” he asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was silent for a second, but then said, “Yeah, just a basic
burger with mustard and pickle.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The bartender left, and Bobby breathed a sigh of relief. <i>My
problems are my problems. I don’t need no one else’s help. </i>His chin was
still resting on his hands as he took another drink. <i>Beer tastes so much
better when you’re happy.</i> He hoped his burger would be there soon so he
could get the lousy beer taste out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Lynnette.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> The girl who’d
completely changed the course of his life. Before he met her while on a
business trip at her college in southwestern Missouri, he had been completely
happy with his admissions counselor job at his alma mater in southern Florida.
Maybe it was her short blond hair, her perfect figure, or her quiet demeanor
that caused him to be more attracted to her than he had been to any other girl
he’d ever met, but regardless of what it specifically was, no girl in the
previous twenty-five years of his life had ever made him want to completely
move halfway across the continent. <i>And I’m an idiot for yelling at her, for
calling her stupid, for hanging up on her. If she lets me stay with her after
all of that, it will be a miracle.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">With his chin still resting on his hands, he reached for his phone
in his jacket pocket. By the time it was above the bar, it was unlocked and
dialing “Lovely Lynnette.” <i>Please answer. Please answer.</i> He put it to
his ear. It rang once. It rang twice. It rang a third time. <i>Please answer!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">It rang a fourth time and her voicemail answered. “Hello, you have
reached Lynnette Turwin,” her gorgeous voice began. “I am unable to get to the
phone right now—”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby hung up and finished the recording in his mind. “<i>But if
you leave your name and number, I’d be delighted to talk to you at a later
time, especially if you are Bobby Jones.”</i> His own thoughts took over. <i>I highly
doubt that now. She’s probably crying her eyes out because of my big mouth, and
hoping she can somehow get out of this relationship as soon and as easily as
possible. And I don’t blame her either.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby hadn’t noticed the customer who had sat in the open seat next
to him while he was moping about his predicament, but he was alerted to his
presence when the bartender came over to him. “Yo Jay, how’s it going? What can
I get you to drink today? The usual?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The hooded character replied, “It’s going well.” He paused briefly
before elaborating, “I’m still employed, my lady is in her last twelve months
of school as of this week, and I’m so excited to see what the next two weeks
have in store for me.” The bartender nodded in response as Jay answered the other
two questions. “Not the usual tonight.” He glanced around and noticed the
bottle in front of Bobby. “I’ll actually take a Sam Adams tonight. Oh, and can
I get a tall glass of water too?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“No problem, Jay. You got it.” It took less than a minute for the
bartender to grab a bottle out of a fridge, and to fill up a glass with ice and
water. “Here you go,” he said as he set it in front of Jay and walked to the
back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Thanks, Chris,” Jay called out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Chris threw up a peace sign as if to say, “My pleasure.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby glanced over and his frustration resumed when he realized
this was the same Jay that used to be his coworker. <i>Happily employed. A good
relationship. Two weeks of excitement. Everything not true in my life. </i>He
took a huge gulp of his beer, swished it around in his mouth, and resumed
laying his head in his hands on the bar. <i>I hate this junk.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Just then Chris came back with Bobby’s burger. He set it down and
spoke softly to Bobby, as Bobby moved from a slouched to a seated position. “I
don’t know what you’re going through, but that dude next to you could probably
help. He’s encouraged me on numerous occasions, and even though I don’t agree
with him on certain things, he’s still a guy worth talking to.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Ha.” Bobby picked up a fry and ate it. “He’s sort of actually part
of my problem right now.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Well, I don’t know about that, but the point still stands. Enjoy
the food.” Chris walked away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He can help you,</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">
Bobby thought, mocking Chris. <i>Yeah right. The only thing that can help me
right now is gallons of alcohol and for Lynnette to not hate me.</i> He reached
into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and held it in one hand while he ate the
rest of his fries with the other. He contemplated calling again, but he decided
against it, so as he ate, he scrolled through his pictures of Lynnette that
were on his phone. They didn’t help him; they made him feel worse. He pushed
the lock button and set it screen-down on the bar. <i>I wish she was here right
now.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He glanced over at Jay as he nibbled at his burger. Jay was tall, with
short brown hair combed up with gel in the front, that stuck out from under a
blue beanie that covered the rest of his hair, and he had short facial hair of
the chin-strap brand. He wore a red- white- and blue-checkered, long-sleeved,
button-down shirt, and his grey hooded sweatshirt was now hanging on the back
of his barstool. He sipped slowly on his beer and drank through two glasses of
water before his beer was even half gone. <i>Strange, </i>Bobby said to
himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He looked back to himself. He’d already downed two beers, his food
was gone, and he really wanted a third. <i>It’s so much easier to drink when
food can remove the taste, but I really want another.</i> Then he thought of
Lynnette. She hated it when he drank. If he only had one (once in a while) that
was fine, but if he exceeded two, she didn’t like it. <i>Lynnette.</i> He
wanted her there so badly. He wanted to apologize for his rudeness. He wanted
to hold her and be held by her. <i>She’s better than me, and she wants to talk
about it,</i> he remembered, thinking of her promotion. He groaned audibly, as
his head went back into his arms atop the bar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He felt a tap on his elbow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Leave me alone,” he huffed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The tapping stopped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby heard Chris’s voice in front of him. “Can I get you another?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Lynnette only wants to brag, and I don’t want to hear it, so it
don’t matter if I have a third.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> He
spoke, “Sure.” His head was still in his hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Chris brought the chilled drink, and set it in front of Bobby.
Bobby grabbed it, but still let his head rest atop his arms on the bar. The
cold feeling on his fingers helped him to feel better, at least externally. He
raised his head and took a drink. As his head fell again, he heard Jay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Are you okay, dude?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby finished letting his head fall before speaking. “No. And you
and your great life aren’t helping. Leave me alone, Mr. Great-job, Great-girl, Great-life.”
<i>He should consider himself lucky that I said anything to him.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay spoke. “I don’t think you understand. I saw you try to get into
the store, and I recognized you, Bobby. I recognize you here too, but you don’t
really understand anything about my current situation, except what I told Chris
when I got here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I don’t understand anything about your situation either, but I
would say that we are more alike than you’d expect. Even though our skin is
different, and our perceived life situations are different, you’ll be surprised
to find out I am being let go from work as well.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If Jay was going to keep talking, Bobby didn’t give him time to say
any more. He sat up straight and turned to face Jay. <i>That skin comment</i>—
He interrupted his own thought. “You were let go too?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yes and no.” Jay elaborated. “I’m being let go, but I still have
two weeks of work there, so I haven’t been let go yet. If I’m correct, it’s the
same for you.” He paused. “Right?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby hesitated before saying, “Yeah. That’s right. I guess that’s
a good way to look at it.” He took a drink and asked, “Two weeks of excitement
though?” That concept made no sense to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yeah,” Jay began, sounding unsure. “In all honesty, I hate looking
for work. It’s one of my least favorite things to do, and one of my least
favorite life situations to be in as well. A year ago, when I moved out here
from California—post-graduation—looking for work, was one of the most unsure
periods of my life up to this point. I wrestled with myself about whether my incentive
for moving out here was good or tainted by the relationship I had initiated the
fall semester prior. I had everything I needed to survive and thrive in
California except for her. So last January through the beginning of February
were very up in the air regarding where I was supposed to be. Looking for work
during that time was terribly depressing, but after I got a job I was happy.
Now, I’m back in that place of uncertainty, so perhaps I wasn’t completely
honest to say ‘exciting’ about the next two weeks, but at the same time it is
exciting, because it’s not the normal day-in, day-out that I’ve gotten used to
recently.” He took a drink of his beer before adding, “Sorry for the long
explanation.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was surprised. <i>Why the heck is this guy so positive?</i>
He felt bad for assuming the worst about him from the beginning, but now he had
more questions for him. Part of him wanted to continue moping alone, but
another part wanted to get his mind off his situation. He took another drink
and decided to continue the conversation. “Don’t worry about the backstory. It
takes my mind off my mess.” He shook-stirred his drink nervously before
speaking again. “You said you’re from California? How in the heck did you ever
end up in Springfield, Missouri?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay took a drink of water and glanced around the room as if he was
looking for somebody, or even trying to avoid someone. “That’s a long story,
and kind of funny as well. When I was a kid I had a dream of becoming a
musician, and the first song I wrote had a chorus that said, ‘I got bored in
California so I moved to . . .’ Unfortunately I never figured out where I’d go
after getting bored. And I’ve long since given up the music career, even though
I still enjoy throwing beats together and writing lyrics.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“But, I never would have imagined ending up in Missouri. I mean,
who does? It was totally random that I would go to school up in Bolivar after
two years of dreaming about transferring to a really great private school in
Southern California, but money availability helps make decisions. Bolivar offered
me a bunch of scholarships right off the bat when I applied, and I had to beg
the other school to tell me if I was getting any scholarships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“So after almost two whole years at that school, I am introduced
through my sister to this awesome girl who I couldn’t get out of my mind. But
the rest, they say, is history. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her, to
ask her to get coffee with me, to ask for her number, to be my girlfriend, and two
weeks ago we celebrated fourteen months.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Whether or not Jay was done, Bobby didn’t care. He had to ask, “So
you left California for a girl? Doesn’t California have everything? Katy Perry
even has that song about California girls, right? You could have found someone
there, couldn’t you?” He paused before adding, “Plus, you’ve got beaches,
mountains, Hollywood, everything. I’m from Florida, but I excuse my move by
saying, ‘No mountains, no Hollywood.’ Missouri has neither either, but maybe
I’m getting closer. I moved west; you moved east.” Bobby was surprised that Jay
just sat there listening patiently as he rambled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay took a drink of water and then spoke. “I stereotyped most
California girls before I left for college as the exact types that Katy Perry
sang about. I told myself, ‘I’m going to get out of California and find a girl
who’s worth my time.’ And looking back, I’ll admit that was the wrong way to
think; not all California girls are Katy Perry status, and not all Missouri girls
are better than that status. But I do know that after the last fourteen months
I wouldn’t ask for any other girl to hold the place of number one woman in my
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“And the farther from the mountains I get, the more special they
are when I get to see them next. I’ve never been a huge fan of the beach.
Hollywood is overrated in my opinion.” Jay drank from his beer. “So what
brought you to Missouri?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby had all but forgotten his problems throughout the prior
discussion, but that question brought it all straight back to the forefront of
his mind. “Lynnette Turwin,” he began. He was surprising himself that he was
actually talking about his life with a total stranger. “After graduating from Florida
State, I worked in their admissions department, and I was on business here in
Springfield at MSU to recruit people who were finishing up an associate’s
degree. My job was to inform them what Florida could offer them for the next
phase of their education.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“It was then that I saw her. She was walking the booths with her
younger sister’s best friend, who ended up going to Florida, and I was hooked
from the first time our eyes met.” Bobby paused, trying to decide how to
explain his feelings for Lynnette, especially given his current predicament. “I
don’t really know how to explain it,” he decided, looking at Jay, who nodded as
if he understood. He took a drink before continuing. “She is the cutest girl I’ve
ever met. Maybe it was—” he interrupted himself. “Maybe—” he stopped again. “Forget
it. I don’t know what it is. All I know is that she changed the course of my
life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I was happily employed at Florida. But I decided to move. We had
gone out for coffee that afternoon that we first saw each other, and exchanged
numbers, and she asked me to call, but me moving here was a total surprise for
her. It actually brought the hugest smile to her face that I’ve ever seen in my
life.” He stopped to take another drink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Before continuing, Bobby picked up his phone, still screen-down on
the bar, and glanced at it. It was 6:45 and still no attempted contact from
Lynnette. “But now I doubt I’ll ever see that smile again. I yelled at her. I
called her things I don’t believe are true about her. I let the day I was
having impact other areas of my life, and now I’m paying for it. I don’t want
to lose her. But I know I hurt her.” He stopped. <i>I’ve said too much already.
Jay didn’t want to know any of that.</i> He was thoroughly surprised with how
much he had said, and how freely, to an almost total stranger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay glanced around the room again (first towards the door), and
looked at his phone (a flip-phone) before speaking. “I know how you feel, man.
I know the pain inside of letting someone down, but I also know that there is
some truth to a Taio Cruz song from like seven years ago. We can’t help but to
break the heart of those we love the most. We all have moments where we are
less than we want to be. We all don’t live up to our own standards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“And I’ve done the same the past fourteen months regarding Sarah.
Every day is a new chance to start anew, but not a day goes by where I don’t
think I could have handled something better. It’s definitely gotten better in
the last year, but the first five months of our friendship/dating relationship
were slippery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“There are things in my life that I am ashamed of, and while I’d be
lying to say they never came back to mind with a decently strong pull, those first
five months were not very strong at all. I had always thought to myself that
when I found a girlfriend I’d never be drawn or attracted to another woman
anywhere, but I daily have to fight the battle to guard my mind and my heart,
especially since Sarah isn’t even mine to be attracted to yet.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay kept speaking, but Bobby was distracted by that statement. <i>Not
his to be attracted to yet? Lynnette is all mine. What is he talking about?</i>
Bobby decided to ask when he had a chance. <i>This guy isn’t normal.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I’ll never forget my graduation a little over a year ago. Sarah
was there and she was excited to be there for me. But leave it to stupid me.
The first person I interacted with who was there specifically for me was my
dad, and I had a huge yelling match with him. Out of the corner of my eye, I
saw Sarah. The look in her eyes while I treated my dad like garbage was a look
of pure terror. We talked afterwards, and I knew I had hurt her, but I also
learned that she wasn’t going anywhere.” He took a drink of beer and washed it
down with water.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He pulled out his phone, said, “Excuse me,” sent a text message,
and pocketed his phone. Then he took another drink of his beer before
explaining, “I’m meeting a group of guys from Bolivar before too long. They
should be here by now. I was just letting them know that I’ll be a couple more
minutes, and that I’ll find them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was curious. “I can let you go if you want. I mean, let’s be
real, you’ve given me tons to think about. And I’m very happy for it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“No, it’s cool,” Jay began. “The reason those guys are meeting me
down here is exactly for this type of thing. Talking to people about the only
hope that matters. If I left you right now, I’d have simply given you some
positive-thinking principles. Those don’t help anyone.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby grew nervous. <i>What is this? What did I get myself into? I
don’t want to be rude, but is this guy one of those weirdos? One of those Bible-thumpin’ crazies? That
could explain his comment regarding his girlfriend, but then again, he’s
drinking a beer. They don’t do that.</i> His voice was quieter when he replied,
“What do you guys do down here?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“We come down here the first Friday of every month to talk to
people about Jesus. We consider it a huge part of our faith to share it with
others.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He stopped, so Bobby interjected, completely forgetting his
intended question regarding Jay’s statement about his girlfriend. “You’re one
of those people?” He hoped his voice didn’t sound too accusatory. “Why are you
drinking a beer? I thought that was against your religion.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Not exactly,” Jay said. “Christianity isn’t your typical,” he put
up air-quotes for the word, “religion.” He took another drink. “Christianity is
much closer to a relationship. Our discussion this evening would help elaborate
that point. In a relationship two people try to figure out how to get along.
They don’t always. Sometimes fights break out. Sometimes there’s yelling.
Sometimes there’s even deeper pain caused. Sometimes people give each other the
silent treatment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“However the thing about Christianity is that God is the initiator
of the relationship. And He, once you accept His proposal for the relationship,
is not going anywhere. He’s there to talk to, there to vent to, there to guide
you. He wants you to be close to Him. The more obedient you live to Him the
closer the relationship is.” Jay took a drink of his ice water—finishing
it—before continuing. “But I digress. The fact is that God doesn’t leave. This
is why divorce is looked down on so strongly in true Christianity. Marriage
relationships—which are prepared for in dating relationships—are the clearest
symbol for the unbelieving world of what our God is like. He supersedes the
wreckage of two peoples’ lives and enables them to live together the same way
God lives with us. When a marriage breaks up, it shows people that God could
leave them. This is the reason why God hates divorce so much. Marriage is for
life, just like a relationship with God is for eternity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I saw this clearly after Sarah witnessed my argument with my dad.
We talked afterwards, and I promised her that I was working on that
relationship and that the look in her eyes told me, ‘What if he treats me that
way?’. I realized that even in that situation my prayer for God to help me love
her more was being answered, because anger, frustration, and yelling at anyone
does not show them love. If I wanted to really love her, I would need to ask
God to help me root out the sources of those things in my life. I can
thankfully say that to this day anger has not come out again in that way towards
another person. Her response to me gave me a visible picture of how God
responds to us when we confess our wrongs.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He stopped. Then asked, “Does all this make sense?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby didn’t know where to start. That was a sermon if he’d ever
heard one, but there was something about Jay’s openness and willingness to implicate
himself in order to explain something that he considered important to an almost
total stranger that gave Bobby pause. He realized Jay hadn’t answered his
question, but he decided to let it slide for the time being. “Yeah. That all
makes a lot of sense.” He took a drink before checking his phone again. “I hope
Lynnette reacts to me as well as Sarah did to you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay held up a hand as if to say, “Slow down.” Then he spoke. “I
hope so too, but you do need to know that it wasn’t like it was just swept
under the rug. I’ve had to show her each and every day that anger and
frustration are not part of the person I am. Actions have consequences. And
Sarah has a vibrant, living, breathing relationship with Jesus. That’s the
reason I picked her to pursue in the first place. I knew that she could help me
along in my faith, and I pray daily that I can somehow help her along in a
small way myself. If Lynnette doesn’t respond perfectly, it could be that she’s
scared, which is expected; it could be that you ruined your chances, but I’ll
pray against that; but ultimately it is because you haven’t placed your faith
in Jesus and perhaps she hasn’t either. Even if you both do, her response won’t
be perfect, and your future may not work out together, but you can know that
God has your best interests in mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Sorry for rambling. My point in all that is that the consequences
were numbed because Sarah understands something of the grace of Jesus; there
were consequences, but they weren’t what they could have been because of Jesus.
She’s felt His grace in her life and can express it to others she interacts
with, including me. And believe me, I need it. And the crazy part is that when
she shows me grace I have a picture of what it looks like for God to show me
grace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“My sins pinned Jesus to the cross. I deserve hell. I’m sorry to
say it, but it must be said: you deserve hell too, Bobby.” Jay took a drink
from his beer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Not this.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> Bobby decided
this would be a good time to drill Jay about avoiding his initial question
about the beer, so he said, “Isn’t that drink something that helps you deserve
hell? I thought you guys were teetotalers.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay put his beer down, swished it around in his mouth, swallowed,
and spoke. “Oh yeah. That was what you had asked originally. I’m sorry.” He
paused to recollect himself, and then explained, “If you would point out one
verse in this book,” he paused, as he stood to pull a burgundy-colored Bible out
of his backpack that was apparently hanging under his jacket, and then sat back
down and continued, “that says not to drink
beer at all, I would agree. Maybe it was not smart for me to order it in
public; that is possible; my normal drink is black coffee with 3 tablespoons of
two-percent and 3 teaspoons of sugar. So maybe I excused myself by saying, ‘Today
left me with unexpected news, so one beer won’t hurt.’ All I know is that I’ve
read this book cover to cover several different times, and I’ve never seen a
verse that says, ‘Don’t drink a beer or a glass of wine, ever.’ There are a lot
that say, ‘Don’t get drunk,’ though, so I always limit myself to one if I drink
at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“It’s the same with relationships in the Bible. There’s no verse
that says, ‘Do not date,’ but there are plenty that help define what dating
should look like: ‘Do not commit sexual immorality’ is a prime example.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Ouch.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> This was why
Bobby didn’t like these types. They always wanted to close shop on his fun. <i>Jay
might not be a crazy when it comes to drinking, but obviously with sex he’s
old-fashioned.</i> “So you’re telling me that you’ve never messed around with a
girl?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I didn’t say that,” Jay said. He drank the rest of the beer and
set the bottle down on the bar. “I have zero room to talk if Christianity is a
matter of being perfect, especially in that area. But messing around with a
girl is really just messing with a girl, even if she wants to you to mess
around with her. The scars are deep; the regret will last; even if you or her
don’t feel it now, they will hit you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“But the great thing about Jesus is that He wants to patch up the holes
in our life. The thing we do best is make holes in our lives. The thing Jesus
died on the cross and rose again to do was to patch up those holes. Jesus
offers a purity for our lives that we could never achieve on our own, and all
we have to do is believe Him when He says, ‘Trust Me.’ It took me so long to realize
this in my life. I thought wrongly for the longest time that my standing before
God was somehow based on how well I kept myself pure, but every time I fell
into that thinking I would come to see just how impure I was somehow or
another. The more I leaned on the purity of Christ, the easier it was to not be
led back to impurity.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was distracted when he noticed Jay’s eyes glance towards the
door to Harbell’s when it opened. A young guy with dreadlocks and a light blue
beanie covering his head walked in. His pants were of the skinny variety, but
not too crazy, and when he noticed Jay, both of his hands flew up in the air
and he shouted, “Jay!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay excused himself from Bobby and ran over to the newcomer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby’s thoughts flew back to the conversation he had just had. <i>Chris
certainly knew what he was talking about. This guy really is helping, though I
really don’t know what to think about this Jesus stuff.</i> Bobby had grown up
in a large church in Florida where the emphasis was on “pray this prayer and
join the club.” He’d done it; he wasn’t in any danger of hell; but when his life
moved away from his family, his faith dissolved as well. Church had been their
thing; he didn’t need any of it for himself. And then, following Lynnette out
to Missouri was a dream come true. But something was different about this Jay
dude. <i>Why am I wanting to believe him? If I do, I have to find a new place
to live though.</i> The thought changed his mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Just then Jay walked back to his seat. The dreadlocks dude followed
him. As Jay stood behind his barstool, he introduced Bobby to the newcomer,
whose name was Connor. Jay sat back down, and Connor sat in the open chair on
the other side of Bobby. It was then that Bobby realized how empty the place
had become. He picked up his phone and saw that the time was already 7:15. <i>I
should really be getting back now,</i> he thought.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Just then Connor spoke to him. “Hey dude, can I pray for you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">How much more random can this day get?</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;"> But he didn’t know what to say. <i>First, a random stranger
decides to start talking to me about his life, my life, relationships,
drinking, and Jesus. He tells me I’m a bad person for my situation with
Lynnette. And now, another random guy who’s hardly introduced himself to me wants
to pray for me.</i> He didn’t want to look rude, so he said, “Sure.” He
instinctively bowed his head and closed his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Connor began, “Dear God, I thank you for the opportunity to meet
this guy named Bobby. I don’t know what he’s going through in his life, but I
pray that You would meet him here. I pray that whatever Jay has been sharing
with him would convict his heart and draw him to You. You want . . .”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby opened his eyes. This prayer was nothing like he was used to.
This guy was praying like he knew God personally. It reminded him of everything
Jay had been telling him about how Christianity was not so much about religion
as it was about a relationship with God. He glanced over at Jay to see him hand
something across the bar to Chris, who then walked away; Jay noticed him
looking, so he bowed his head. Bobby followed suit, and kept listening to
Connor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“We trust that You are in control of even seemingly random meetings
between people all over the world, and we pray that this one would lead to Bobby’s
salvation. Thank You for letting our paths cross, and guide him through life.
Help him to know that You are in control and You are good. In Jesus’ name,
amen.” He looked up, and his eyes met Bobby’s. “It was good meeting you, Bobby.
I hope you have a great evening. Thanks for letting me pray for you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He turned to Jay and said, “If you need a few more minutes in here,
that’s fine; I’m gonna go out and see if the other guys have found anyone to
talk to. We’ll be at Hurts if not. Given the weather, I won’t be surprised if
no one is out, but I’ll probably find a homeless person or two to talk to.” He
smiled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Sounds good, bro,” Jay said. “I’ll be praying it goes well. And
I’ll probably be out in about five minutes. I already paid and everything.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Sick. See you in a bit.” And with that, Connor walked out of the
establishment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby turned back to Jay. “You guys really are serious about all of
this, aren’t you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Yes, we are.” Jay turned very serious. “And I would encourage and
plead with you to be serious about it too. If we’re misguided, the worst thing
that happens is we miss out on so-called fun before laying in the ground
forever, but if we’re right, then anyone who doesn’t follow Jesus is headed for
a miserable eternity. This is why I have to ask you: Do you believe what I’ve
told you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby was still for a good minute. <i>It sounds so right. But it
also sounds so hard. I don’t want to lose Lynnette.</i> He finished the last of
his beer before saying, “I want to, but I really like my life a lot right now.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay spoke. “I don’t want to press a sore spot, but that’s not at
all what you were saying when we first started talking this evening.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby wanted to get mad at him, but he also knew he was right. <i>Lynnette
might never speak to me again, let alone do anything else with me ever again.</i>
He was about to speak, but then he hesitated. He really didn’t know what to say,
and he didn’t want to be rude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay spoke again first. “Jesus said in the gospel of Luke, ‘If
anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and
children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be My
disciple.’ I don’t know what it is that is keeping you from believing, but
Jesus wants to be your one and only. I urge you to trust Him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“I don’t know,” Bobby answered. “I really think I need some time to
think about it. Please know that I do appreciate your sharing with me, but I’m
just not ready to make a decision right now.” He glanced at his phone. Lynnette
still hadn’t tried to contact him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay took a pen out of his pocket and started writing on a napkin.
Before finishing, he said, “You told me that you up and moved here from Florida
because of a beautiful girl. That doesn’t make me see you as a guy who needs a
lot of time to think.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby looked down at his feet. It was true. <i>How does he do that?</i>
He stayed quiet though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay continued. He pocketed the pen and pushed the napkin towards
Bobby. “Don’t take too much time to think. Seriously, this is a very important
matter. You need to know where you stand with Jesus. Don’t say that you will think
about it later. You don’t know how much more time you have.” He paused. “This
is my number. Please feel free to give me a call if you ever need to talk or
have any other questions. Jesus is calling your name. He died so you could be
saved. Please trust Him.” Jay stood and started putting his jacket and beanie
back on. “I need to go join those guys with Connor, but thanks for talking with
me. I hope it was helpful.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby shook hands with Jay and said, “It was. It really was.”
Inside he was a confused mess. It had gotten more confusing since Connor left.
“I’ll call you if I have anything you can help with.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">“Sounds good. See you at work Tuesday afternoon.” Jay smiled, and
walked out the door, leaving Bobby to his thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby did not know what he was supposed to do. Everything that Jay
had told him made sense. Connor’s prayer was a sign that Jay was right in what
he had been saying, even though Jay hadn’t actually prayed himself. Bobby knew
Jay was right; he wanted to trust Jesus, and he didn’t know how much time he
had. <i>Especially with how weird today was, nothing would surprise me.</i> But
every time he was almost convinced, the thought would return, <i>You can’t live
with Lynnette and follow Jesus too.</i> <i>I love Lynnette. I don’t want to
lose her.</i> He didn’t know what to choose. <i>I don’t even know if she’ll let
me back in after my actions today, though.</i> <i>If she doesn’t, Jesus is
always there.</i> He kicked himself as he sat at the boor for thinking that;
Jay had been very clear that Jesus was to be number one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Chris came over to the bar where Bobby was sitting, and picked up
the empty beer cans and Jay’s water glass. He left the napkin with writing on
it where it lay. As he started wiping down the counter, Bobby asked, “Can I get
my bill?” He had things to take care of, and wanted to get out of Harbell’s
before spending more money that he didn’t have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Chris stopped wiping, and looked at him with his head tipped to one
side. “Didn’t Jay tell you? He paid for your stuff.” He paused as he started
wiping again. “I told you that guy is a rare one.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">If Chris said anything else, Bobby didn’t hear it. <i>He paid for
my drinks? He has just as much of a job as me and he paid my bill? No way!</i>
Things started clicking in his mind. <i>Christianity isn’t something to just
talk about. It is something to live out. I haven’t been living it out. The
reason he can be so happy has got to be Jesus in him. That’s what I want.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He stood up to leave, pocketing the napkin Jay had written on, and
told Chris to have a good night. Chris returned the wish, and Bobby walked out
of Harbell’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">The cold and the ice hit him as he walked out the door, and it
caused him to shiver. He walked slowly to avoid slipping, and he pulled his
phone and the napkin out of his pocket. He punched in Jay’s number, decided to
send a text message, and typed a message that read,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 1.0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Thx 4 payin my bill. U have no idea how much that means 2 me. I
would love 2 meet again sometime. I think u got something I want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">He pressed “Send.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Then he pulled up Lynnette’s name and number and dialed her phone.
It rang, with no answer, and her voicemail answered. When her intro was done,
he left a message. “Hi, Lynnette. It’s Bobby. I just want to say I’m sorry
about today. I’m sorry for snapping at you. I’m sorry for my hurtful words. I’m
sorry for not wanting to hear what you have to say. I hope you can forgive me. I
won’t be home tonight, but I really hope you’ll be willing to talk to me
sometime tomorrow. This evening got better than I ever could have imagined, and
I want to tell you about it.” He hung up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">A text message was waiting for him. It was from Jay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 1.0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">You’re very welcome. Jesus paid your bill too, and it was worth way
more than your beers and burger. Please trust Him so His payment can be added
to your eternity. Just let me know how I can help you or when you can talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby replied immediately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 1.0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Sounds gr8. Hey, this might sound crazy, but do u have a place I can
crash 2nite?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Jay replied: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 1.0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Absolutely. We’re over on the square. I’ll give you a ride home if
you find us in the next fifteen minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-bidi-theme-font: major-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-bidi;">Bobby headed in that direction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
liL fytrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01382703693946309696noreply@blogger.com0